Holding Back.

I've been keeping shut for so long. It's hard to take it. The frustration, the indecisiveness, the constant reminder that everything around me is fading. Holding it all in for so long. Being treated like a child. Made it so that I cannot even think anything. I'm scared to tell them anything. Feeling as though I'm not good enough. Feels as if what I seek is moving away from me. I hate it. They keep messing with my head toying with my emotions. In the end it all ends the same, me stuck in a dark room alone to deal with everything alone. [literally and figuratively] These thoughts pile up, feelings of insecurity and doubting take shape. They don't like me for me. I'm just one that amuses them. I'm too good to them all. They take this as an invitation to walk all over me. Thank you.

We never are able to discuss things of meaning. Always avoiding the subject. It can never get to that point with you. Just when it begins to show signs of meaning bam just childish stuff again. My head is spinning and I am left here trying to slow it down.