Me
I have to say this has been the meaning of this summer. I have learned much about myself and have come to many realizations. The changes have been made to make me a better person when school begins again because let's face it, there's nothing left for me here. I know what I want now and most of it I know how to get it. I wanted a group of friends I could depend on and by chopping down the branches that were in my way I was able to find some people. I want to be successful in the thing I love doing. So I begin to take my training seriously and began to put it as my priority even if it made me miss some stuff.
I'm excited though. I have less than a month and another amazing year comes. Why not make this summer worth it before I leave. Make it a happy transition.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A New Outlook (Part 2)
Running
From the beginning I believed that this would be the best training summer of my life. I thought everything would be perfect. Hungry to race again I knew that the way to get the times I wanted was to train my butt off. It started with disappointment when I found out my miles were cut from 80 to 60. Then the knee injury came and I was left in shambles. No motivation.
Then I began to take care of myself. Started doing different kinds of things to get myself back to 100%. As I marked off the workouts after completion I began to get more motivation.
Then came the realization. This is my training schedule. These are the miles I was assigned to do. So I began to start getting my priorities straight. I mean I have no job and nothing to do most days, so why does my schedule have so many missed runs. That's when I began to accept my responsibilities. I love what I do so why miss out on it if I don't have someone to run with.
The rest of the summer will be filled with running. No days off.
From the beginning I believed that this would be the best training summer of my life. I thought everything would be perfect. Hungry to race again I knew that the way to get the times I wanted was to train my butt off. It started with disappointment when I found out my miles were cut from 80 to 60. Then the knee injury came and I was left in shambles. No motivation.
Then I began to take care of myself. Started doing different kinds of things to get myself back to 100%. As I marked off the workouts after completion I began to get more motivation.
Then came the realization. This is my training schedule. These are the miles I was assigned to do. So I began to start getting my priorities straight. I mean I have no job and nothing to do most days, so why does my schedule have so many missed runs. That's when I began to accept my responsibilities. I love what I do so why miss out on it if I don't have someone to run with.
The rest of the summer will be filled with running. No days off.
A New Outlook (Part 1)
Looking back at this summer and the last couple blog posts I have come to the conclusion that this summer wasn't so bad. I mean it isn't so bad. I still have a month to go.
Friends
Yes I came back to a place where most people don't like me. So what! I put so much focus on the fact that I have alienated almost all the people that I considered my "best friends" that I forgot to remember that I do have a couple that still are looking out for me. I began to focus on the quantity instead of quality. I can count on one hand the friends that have had my back this summer. Some have come by but these group of guys have really had my back this summer. These 4 have have been real with me since the beginning.
One a training partner whom a lot of the old team didn't like but as he said it, "I don't care what they think of me, honestly out of the whole team I can only see myself talking to you after I graduate." This is true. I never thought I would have ended up in the same spot. I hate my old team and don't care what they think about me and my only friend from there is him. Funny how things work out.
Next comes someone I would joke around with in high school. We were on the same team and we had our share of fun but I never thought we would still be hanging out outside of the track. The jokes keep coming and I gotta say I'm glad I still talk to this guy. He always find a way to find something witty to say to cheer everyone up. Someone I'm glad to call a friend.
This one is quite interesting. This person I thought I would never speak to again after what happened in high school. I was part of the group that ruined his last month of high school just because I was under the control of a total jackass. This guy has been real with me since the beginning. Even before all of the bandit crap he was someone that seemed different to me. He was someone that knew how to fake it, something I should have done all throughout the whole mess. Glad to see that we are friends again
Finally the last. He bugs the shit out of me on a constant basis. He finds a way to get angry about everything but he is someone that is fun to hang with. Another person that has been real to me since the beginning. Someone that tried to improve who I was without trying to change the real me. Someone I got to say I'm glad to have as my friend.
This group right here has made my summer enjoyable. I never would have thought all of us would be hanging out together but we did and had a hell of a time. People up for the adventure. People that are up for driving to the beach and leaving after an hour because they want to play Monopoly. No one trying to be better than the others just a group that just wants to have fun. What friends should be.
Friends
Yes I came back to a place where most people don't like me. So what! I put so much focus on the fact that I have alienated almost all the people that I considered my "best friends" that I forgot to remember that I do have a couple that still are looking out for me. I began to focus on the quantity instead of quality. I can count on one hand the friends that have had my back this summer. Some have come by but these group of guys have really had my back this summer. These 4 have have been real with me since the beginning.
One a training partner whom a lot of the old team didn't like but as he said it, "I don't care what they think of me, honestly out of the whole team I can only see myself talking to you after I graduate." This is true. I never thought I would have ended up in the same spot. I hate my old team and don't care what they think about me and my only friend from there is him. Funny how things work out.
Next comes someone I would joke around with in high school. We were on the same team and we had our share of fun but I never thought we would still be hanging out outside of the track. The jokes keep coming and I gotta say I'm glad I still talk to this guy. He always find a way to find something witty to say to cheer everyone up. Someone I'm glad to call a friend.
This one is quite interesting. This person I thought I would never speak to again after what happened in high school. I was part of the group that ruined his last month of high school just because I was under the control of a total jackass. This guy has been real with me since the beginning. Even before all of the bandit crap he was someone that seemed different to me. He was someone that knew how to fake it, something I should have done all throughout the whole mess. Glad to see that we are friends again
Finally the last. He bugs the shit out of me on a constant basis. He finds a way to get angry about everything but he is someone that is fun to hang with. Another person that has been real to me since the beginning. Someone that tried to improve who I was without trying to change the real me. Someone I got to say I'm glad to have as my friend.
This group right here has made my summer enjoyable. I never would have thought all of us would be hanging out together but we did and had a hell of a time. People up for the adventure. People that are up for driving to the beach and leaving after an hour because they want to play Monopoly. No one trying to be better than the others just a group that just wants to have fun. What friends should be.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Stream of Consciousness.
It's one of those nights.
Thoughts going in and out of my head.
One minute this
One minute that
I hate it
I love it
I dread it
I look forward to the next time it happens
Although it might feel peaceful to have a clear mind
Nothing ever gets done.
When I'm like this things start to piece together.
One thought combines with one worry to create a solution
Sometimes drastic
Why not take a risk though.
I have spent so much time trying to get myself away from getting like this
Why not let the mind wander
Let the things that are to be trapped be set free
The desire to not only learn more about myself but to also change
Change those things that have made me into a worse person
I have found myself and lost it at the same time
Found the confidence I needed to do better things
Lost the good person I once was
The confidence has become borderline arrogance
It has transformed me into the person I most hate
The student is becoming an exact copy of the teacher
I've been called out about it already
What made me believe that being a good person was bad
Oh that's right
They all did
Being a welcome mat starts to getting annoying
Now that I want to go back I need to remember
All those people that made me become what I am now
And I have to do what I was afraid to do before
Delete them from my life
They can't ruin my life anymore
I don't see them around
There is no hesitation
Done trying to fit in with them
Such a waste of time
Good riddance.
Thoughts going in and out of my head.
One minute this
One minute that
I hate it
I love it
I dread it
I look forward to the next time it happens
Although it might feel peaceful to have a clear mind
Nothing ever gets done.
When I'm like this things start to piece together.
One thought combines with one worry to create a solution
Sometimes drastic
Why not take a risk though.
I have spent so much time trying to get myself away from getting like this
Why not let the mind wander
Let the things that are to be trapped be set free
The desire to not only learn more about myself but to also change
Change those things that have made me into a worse person
I have found myself and lost it at the same time
Found the confidence I needed to do better things
Lost the good person I once was
The confidence has become borderline arrogance
It has transformed me into the person I most hate
The student is becoming an exact copy of the teacher
I've been called out about it already
What made me believe that being a good person was bad
Oh that's right
They all did
Being a welcome mat starts to getting annoying
Now that I want to go back I need to remember
All those people that made me become what I am now
And I have to do what I was afraid to do before
Delete them from my life
They can't ruin my life anymore
I don't see them around
There is no hesitation
Done trying to fit in with them
Such a waste of time
Good riddance.
