A year from the day before yesterday.

Received some shocking news from a fellow Track Talk poster. It went something along the lines of "Homeless killed himself!!!!". Now any other person that I know in real life would have taken the news and wouldn't have understood. I told my neighbor about it yesterday night and all he said was "Did you know him?" I responded he was a poster on one of the websites I go on and he just responded "So what.". The reality is although most of us on Track Talk didn't actually know him we still had a connection to him by what he wrote. We lost one of our own last night, a runner, an intellectual. It's sad to see the good people go, especially in the way this happened. Rest In Peace Chris Phillips, although I never had the pleasure of meeting you in person thank you for the contribution that you have brought to this world. As I've seen on both Track Talk and on your website you have had a major impact on many people in this world and it's sad to see you go.

It just reinforces to me what happened a year from the day before yesterday. I remember it like it was yesterday. My neighbor, cousin, younger brother and I had just got back from the football game and we had just bought some beer to party it up that night. We stopped by my house for some reason and all we hear is my dad yell out to us, "Cristobal, Steven, Gabriel, Gerardo, get over here now!" We all were wondering what did we do, are we in trouble etc... We walked over to our neighbors porch and what I saw that night is still instilled in my mind. It was my Gerardo's mother Mari, my neighbor Crystal, and my own mom sobbing frantically. I could even see tears in the eyes of Gerardo's father Gerardo, Crystal's husband Julian and even my own father. All the adults were visibly shaken but we had no idea about what. Julian walks up to us. Julian is a young guy, 25 years old with 3 kids. He has served in the middle east and at the time was in the process of become a sheriff. He usually kept his composure pretty well but not today. I could see it in his eyes, something horrible had just happened. He was a wreck. He tells us, "What I am about to tell you might shock you, if you have any questions I will answer them." We all asked what happened. He replied solemnly, "Angela committed suicide." Needless to say we never expected to hear this. We stood there in shock and Julian asked us, "Do you guys want to know how it happened?" We all said yes. He described what happened in detail and I just have to say nothing anyone teaches you prepares you for something like this. Our own friend hung herself. I walked back to my house in silence. I went to my room and locked the door and tried to cry. I couldn't. I laid there an emotionless wreck, a kid who was overcome with emotions that he didn't even know what to feel just waiting for the moment where the levy would break and the emotions would pour out.

Angela was part of the group ever since we first met her. I remember quite well. I had just got back from my friends party and my dad had told me that there was girls over at my neighbor Julian's house. So I decided to go. That is the night where I first met Angela and Alexis. They were Julian's nieces. They were both pretty crazy girls that didn't care about what they did. They got along well with us. After that night they both began to come over to my neighbors house quite often. We'd hear Angela came to visit and we would be there for the whole day. Our group usually doesn't bring people in. We are a pretty close group that usually fights with each other a lot but in the end still has each others back. We are basically family. She was funny and crazy but inside was a wreck. I still remember the last time I saw her alive, going to fresh and easy because my brother was trying to go vegetarian. So much laughs came out of that day. I never knew that that day would be the last day I could laugh with my friend.

We came to the viewing of her body. The church was filled past capacity and people were forced to stand outside. There was no way to move. I remember seeing everyone in bright colors (the wish of the family), crying their hearts out. I still could not cry. Guys and girls were just sobbing. She had made an impact in many peoples lives and that proved to be true that day. She had so many people to support her yet this was the outcome. As we began to walk to the casket to view her body, it just was time until I finally cracked. I finally got to the front and saw what was supposed to be her. I instantly started bawling. I couldn't take it. It wasn't her. Yes it was her body but it wasn't her. I walked out and sat on the curb and cried. I was in public but I didn't care. I lost my friend.

I still have the image of the funeral engraved into my mind. I was taking care of my little neighbor Adrian. I carried him the whole time while I cried my eyes out. I remember him telling me "What happened to her, what happened?" That broke my heart. I find out later that he was saying, "What happened to dirt?" Oh the innocence of a child. I have The Beatles instilled in my head for life because whenever I hear, Imagine, The Fool on the Hill, or And I love her, I instantly think of her because that's what they played at her funeral. I remember watching that pink casket being placed into the ground. Julian could not take it, he laid in his truck while this all happened. All of this will be engraved into my head forever.

I have always been very open about the subject. Gerardo, Gabriel, and Steven have been the opposite. They are all incredibly angry. It didn't have to happen. We were all there for her if she needed us. I am pretty sure Gabriel will never speak about this. I noticed during the summer that whenever we would drink it would always end up the same, us speaking of Angela. As the anniversary of her death came closer and closer she began to come up in our drunken state more often and it would result in sobbing and anger. Hopefully you are at peace wherever you are Angela, because we miss you a lot.

This should come as a lesson for anyone. Suicide is not the way to go people. You have many people that are willing to lend a hand when you need it. This does not need to happen. It leaves your family and friends a wreck, I know because I began to tear up as I typed this up. If you are in despair talk to someone, anyone. Even if I don't really know you I will be happy to listen and help.

R.I.P. Angela Fuentes (9.17.2009) & Chris "Homeless" Phillips (9.18.2010)

You will be and are missed.

Sincerely,
Cristobal Gutierrez

Breaking Forward.

For the past 3 weeks that I had been running with the team I had felt like I was caught in a slump. First came the 2 mile time trial where I finished in 10:56. I was frustrated to say the least. What resulted from the time trial? Cramped up calves for the rest of the weekend. I felt like crap physically and mentally. I knew I could run faster. What was wrong with me?

Then came practice itself. I struggled to keep up with the team through even the easy runs. Yet somehow I would have great workouts. I ran a pretty good first workout with the team. Hill workout and I stuck with the top guys. Then came the next day. 5k tempo run. I was way behind on the warm-up but as soon as I toed the line for the tempo something in me changed and I was able to run without hurting. Everything flowed perfectly during workouts.

First race came. Fullerton Open. I ran with the mindset of not dying out. The consequence? I ended up running extremely slow. I ran a 29:14 on that course. Good for a number 5 but not good enough for me. I knew I was faster than this. I didn't want to be a crutch for the team. I knew the 1-5 split came to me. I was our number 5 and if I ran slow the split would grow.

The following week I ran like crap for every run except for one. That run? Another workout. Mile repeats. It was 6 in the morning and it was sprinkling. It was a gloomy morning and it was us and the park. The workout was simple. 1 mile, then another, then a 1.5 mile, then a mile, then a last mile. Due to my showing at the last invite my pace was selected to be 5:45 for each mile along with my teammate Bradley.

I laced up my flats and began the workout. Me and Bradley cross the 800 sat 3:10. Way too slow. We have to pick it up. It was pretty tough to negative split on that terrain. Long wet grass and mud puddles throughout made it hard to run fast. I finished my first mile repeat in 5:55. I am clearly not warmed up.

Then comes the second mile. The pace quickens but not by much. I cross the second one at 5:51.

The 1.5 mile comes and the pace quickens there as well. I was feeling better throughout this one. I was catching the front group. Somehow I was not feeling it. I wasn't tired. I tried switching up with Bradley on this one. I took off first 400 and then he lead the next 400. Once we got to the 800 I took off for my turn and I ran alone for the rest of it. I knew I had enough energy to pick up the pace and not feel strained. I finished it within range of the top guys.

Coach approaches us and asks us if we felt up for 2 more because he was wondering if he should cut it down to only 1 more mile repeat. I say I'm ready for two. I knew I had something coming in the last two.

The third mile repeat comes. I am feeling much better on this one. The pace feels more like a cruise rather than struggle. I did the same strategy as I did on the 1.5. I took the lead from the 400 and then switched but halfway through I just decided to take off. I had a lot left in the tank and wanted to try for reaching the top guys. Their pace was 5:30. I finished the repeat at a 5:39.

The last repeat was next. I decided to stay with the lead group for the whole time. at about 800 I make my move forward. There started to be a gap between the top 4 and I wanted to close it up. I did just that. Matt took it with me. I finished the last one in 5:29.

Coach was pleasantly surprised. I knew this is where I was supposed to be at. It was time to step up.

The next day coach offered up a challenge to me in front of the rest of the team. The goal for the top 4 was to stay together through 4 miles. Then there was my name written on the board with the challenge stay with them through 3 miles. Even if I died out I would still run okay. It was just a test.

The second race of my college season had finally come. U.C. Irvine. We had run the coarse as practice and there was not going to be any surprises.

I began my warm-up. I was running pretty well. My ankle was no longer hurting. I actually felt perfect.

We lined up. It was time to race.

BANG! The race went out. The race was huge. 200 people in the race all fighting to get out fast. The race got out extremely fast. I passed through the mile at 5:15. I was supposed to pass through at 5:30. I was going way too fast but I had to keep going. I dug myself into this so I had to hold on. We come up to the hill and I hear my friends name yelled out. *GO PAUL!* Paul was my teammate on my club team. He runs for A.P.U. now. I quickly pass him. I was not going to let him beat me again. I pass through the 2 mile at 10:50. I am running a bit slower due to the hill but I am determined to keep going. Then comes the 3rd mile, I pass through at 16:25. Ahead of pace. I am still feeling relatively alright. I keep going and start to see Matt and A.J., whoa I'm actually in the mix. I pass through the 4 mile at 22:05. I am running with 3 Occidental guys and a Pomona Pitzer guy. A SCIAC dual. I approach the last incline before the finish and the 3 Oxy guys, Pomona guy and Paul overtake me. We come to the final stretch and I maintain my spot. I pass the finish and the time shows


27:33.3

1 minute 41 second PR.