A Sudden Drop in Altitude

I have come to a point where the frustration has become unbearable. I am in good shape and I know if I was healthy I could finish every workout flawlessly. That's just it, if I was healthy.

Practice begins every day at 2:20 PM. From the time that I awake in the morning to the seconds leading up to practice I am scared. I am scared of what is to come and unsure whether my body will remain in one piece by the end of the run. My run switches from pleasant to hell with one bad step and then begins the pain. Each unforgiving step leads to pain shooting into my foot. It becomes too bothersome to continue and I just want to stop.

This is college though. This isn't high school where it was okay to walk a little if you were in pain. I can't act like a little kid anymore. I hate telling coach that I can't go on and feel like I am disappointing those around me when I have to stop early. So I stop telling people how much I am hurting because to be honest the feeling of finishing a workout is much more fulfilling than just stopping early. It's a pride thing and it will be hard to overcome. I want to get better. I am sick of being a mediocre runner. I want to run long runs at a fast pace and make it feel easy. I want to get to that point where people say, "Wow he's got something special." Not just people, I want to achieve the goals I have set out.

I have yet to have a single real track season. This is my first. My history with track has been horrible. 7th grade making the mile team and getting subbed out and having to sit for hours at our only track meet while someone took my spot. Freshman year not being able to finish a full season because a back injury cause by a certain "Coach". Sophomore year not finishing because of the lack of a distance coach. Junior year again not having a coach. Senior year not finishing the season because a certain "Coach" would not let me race. Now I am here to my first track season and what happens? I cannot do steeple, the race I have been wanting to do since I was a sophomore and I worry that I can't even finish a short run.

It is all probably due to what I did in high school. Not any mileage at all, no correct workouts etc. I am now in college struggling to get through because I was not prepared. There's a reason why I am the first guy from my school running competitively post high school and now I know why. I am doing double the workload and I am struggling. In Cross Country I had trouble with keeping up with the other guys and now I am having trouble just being able to finish.

I now hear it often, that I should take some time off, maybe a week or a month or a season. It hurts to have to hear that. I feel like I have done whatever I could and it's all gone to nothing because again my body can't take it.

I will listen though. Whatever they tell me to do I will follow. I have great teammates helping me through this and an amazing coach guiding the way for me because he doesn't want me to be permanently injured. I have the support I need I just need the support of myself. I need to be all there again, mentally. I have to get back into cruising altitude.