A disappointing performance, or not?

Exactly 365 days from yesterday I was in the same position as I was in yesterday. I was stepping on the line to race.

Walnut, California: February 12 2010

I stepped on the line at about 5:30 PM. The sun was now gone and it was just me and 37 other people lined up to race. The race was 3000 meters, something I had yet to experience in high school. It was a community college race and I was just a senior in high school, all comers is all comers. I remember pretty much everything about the race, what I was wearing, who I was trying to beat and the surroundings of it all.

The gun went off and we sped off to try to get in good position. I knew nothing about those who I was racing except for one. He was a club teammate. Adrian was running for Mt. Sac and had better marks then I had but as a stubborn kid I wanted to finally beat him. I crossed the mile mark at a little over 5 minutes, I felt like it was too slow at the time. I kept pushing forward and passing people. As each lap passed we went by loads of cheering people. We were the last race of the day and everyone had lined up around the start line to cheer on their teammates. It was magic running around those 7 1/2 laps that night.

Lap 5 came past I saw him.

Adrian is coming within reach. Just a little bit more and I can reel him in.

Closer and closer he came. I was making up ground slowly but surely.

A lap left to go and I had to kick it in before he finished.

He ended up beating me that day but I finished with a kick and ended up out-sprinting someone.

That had to be the best track race I have ever had.

Although I did not get to finish that season at least I had a chance to have that experience.

Pasadena, California: February 12 2011

The warm-up begins. Something feels off. It might be the heat but I can't put my finger on it. I am racing my first college race of 2011. This time I am in a completely different uniform. In 2010 it was my club uniform and some Saucony Kilkennys. This year it was my La Verne uniform and Jasari's. As much of a spike freak I am I have to be completely honest when I say this was the first track race over a mile that I was wearing spikes in. I was pretty pumped.

The warm-up didn't feel too good. Usually before races I am set during my warm-up. Everything flows so perfect. The music coming into my eardrums is perfect and I am pretty much set to race. Yesterday it was the complete opposite. It felt like a struggle to try and feel good. I tried to stay focused.

I laced up my Jasari's for the first time and hit my strides. The shoes made me feel good. The feel and just the fact I was wearing them gave me such a boost of confidence.

We lined up and the gun went off. The first lap felt easy. We passed through at 74 seconds. Way too slow. Coach wanted us to pass the mile at 4:50. I have yet to even break 4:50 in a regular mile. At lap 2 my teammate decides that the pace is much too slow and takes off. He and the rest of the pack have now separated from me and I am basically running alone. I crossed the mile at 5:05 while the others crossed at 4:50.

I have to go now. I try to but it burns. My right foot is rubbing up against the material and it feels as though the shoe is tearing my foot apart. I keep trying to pick it up for the next few laps.

I see one of my teammates. I wanted to catch him so bad. I see that he is fading pretty bad and I have to make my move if I want to catch him. I try to but it hurts to now even step on it.

I hit my sprint and finally the race is over. I run through the finish and jump into the grass so I can rip the shoes off of my feet.

Teammate finishes in the exact same time that Adrian finished in last year 9:38. Coincidence?

I ran 1 second faster than I did last year.

As soon as I took my shoes off I was so angry. I knew I ran like shit. Teammates came up to me and I ignored them. All I could think about at that point was well a lot of things. I was caught in a trance. All that I could think about was how it went wrong. How I could not even cross the half at 4:50. That I couldn't even do that. That coach was disappointed in my performance. I know I am much better than that performance.

I'll give myself something. I did PR yesterday. Even if it was one second. I did better than last year.

The thing that is different about last year is that last year I was able to actually train. The last two weeks have been the first two weeks that I have been able to actually run without having to stop after a mile. The first of the two I was still barely able to do enough. So with two weeks of training I was able to replicate my performance from last year.

I still have to say I am pretty disappointed with how I did but it's just a setback.

Edit: Sorry to those that I may have offended due to my attitude after yesterday. I just need to learn to compose myself.