Stream of Consciousness.

It's one of those nights.
Thoughts going in and out of my head.
One minute this
One minute that
I hate it
I love it
I dread it
I look forward to the next time it happens
Although it might feel peaceful to have a clear mind
Nothing ever gets done.
When I'm like this things start to piece together.
One thought combines with one worry to create a solution
Sometimes drastic
Why not take a risk though.
I have spent so much time trying to get myself away from getting like this
Why not let the mind wander
Let the things that are to be trapped be set free

The desire to not only learn more about myself but to also change
Change those things that have made me into a worse person
I have found myself and lost it at the same time
Found the confidence I needed to do better things
Lost the good person I once was
The confidence has become borderline arrogance
It has transformed me into the person I most hate
The student is becoming an exact copy of the teacher
I've been called out about it already
What made me believe that being a good person was bad

Oh that's right
They all did
Being a welcome mat starts to getting annoying
Now that I want to go back I need to remember
All those people that made me become what I am now
And I have to do what I was afraid to do before
Delete them from my life
They can't ruin my life anymore
I don't see them around
There is no hesitation
Done trying to fit in with them

Such a waste of time
Good riddance.